Fucking Magic #13 (Digital)

This is the digital file, sent as a pdf. For the print version click here.

I don’t even know what to say about this but here it is! Most issues of Fucking Magic were written over a period of three months. This one was written over a period of two years as I agonized over whether or not the series was done. I kept turning to the writing and turning away, struggling with it and trying to figure out what needed to change. Finally momentum built and something happened. This zine is about being cancelled, having my life utterly destroyed, being diagnosed with a serious autoimmune condition, 8pm curfews and lockdowns for 6 months, and feeling like dying. It’s about trying to figure out how to live now, in the aftermath of the explosion, live with courage and honesty yes, but also how to feel alive again. It’s about complex trauma, being estranged from my family of origin, trying to build a life for myself as a highly stigmatized person, falling for people, trying to find my sexuality again, learning to drive, adopting Clover, going on road trips and submerging my body into bodies of water. It’s about the living universe, the wild world itself, the things I learned from waterfalls and from my therapist. Surprisingly it moves from utter despair and numbness to a transformative return to being, and feeling, alive. I am very proud of this one. It’s thick. It’s juicy. It’s back from the dead.